


It's Past Your Bedtime

by orphaner_dualscar



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Brother relationship, Dave being a caring brother, Dirk is a dumbass teenager, Dramatic Irony, Hal is a bit hungry for human connection, I might add a second chapter but it will be two chapters max, I might do more with this AU if people show interest, Like he's in way over his head, Overworked Guardian, POV Second Person, Single Guardians, This is literally meant to just be a slightly funny little one shot, attempt at comedy, understandably so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 08:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14374746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphaner_dualscar/pseuds/orphaner_dualscar
Summary: Dave's a pretty lax guardian, but he told his seventeen year old brother to get to bed early since school was starting tomorrow. Dirk takes the advice, and while he's asleep his Auto Responder (which Dave doesn't know about) ends up basking in a bit of brotherly attention.





	It's Past Your Bedtime

**Author's Note:**

> So this was an idea that came to me earlier today before I went to the gym, and I thought it was funny so I wrote it. I may or may not add a second chapter, but I'm going to mark it as complete in case I don't. Keep an eye out though!  
> Also, tried my hand at the second person thing! Hopefully it turned out okay.

The bright, bluish light of the screen in front of you had you straining your eyes before the sun had gone down, but as the light had faded from your room with the departure of said sun you could only feel the strain more and more. And it had easily been six hours since the sun had set, leaving your haphazard room a pit of blackness if not for the faint glow of the computer monitor set in front of you. A Word document full of carefully typed script is unfolded on the painfully bright screen, a script that you needed to have finished by the end of the month. It was times like these when you found yourself sorely wishing that your shades didn’t make it so hard to read your screen in the dark.

After a few more moments of squinting at the words on the screen, which was unfortunately already on the lowest brightness setting, you settled back to take a deep, cleansing breath and let your shoulder blades drape over the back of the swivel chair that you’ve had your ass planted in since before the sun had begun to sink down under the horizon. As you bent backward, you felt your vertebrae crack and realign and proceeded to let out a long, satisfied grunt of relief. You were pushing 35 and not getting any younger, and you had needed that. 

While you agreed with yourself that it wasn’t necessarily the most intelligent thing to do, you made the decision to click on your Pesterchum application and take a quick glance at who’s online. _Maybe,_ you thought, _a decent conversation could bring me out of this block._

You scrolled through your various contacts with your tongue out in concentration, almost glaring at the screen as you searched for someone to speak to. Of course, it was… three in the morning. Well, that six hours since sunset was closer to seven and a half then. You laughed to yourself silently before your eyes fell on the singular lit up name on your chumroll, and you sighed deeply. Dirk was supposed to be in bed. 

While one part of you was insisting that trying to control your seventeen year old brother was a fruitless endeavor, there was another part that had you insisting on performing some feat of parental authority. After all, he was due to start his senior year of high school in less than five hours, and staying up until three in the morning like it was still July was not going to bode well for him. 

_For such a smart kid,_ you thought as you brought the cursor upward to click on his chumhandle. _He sure is an idiot._

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 3:14

TG: hey junior whats your deal  
TG: dirk dude what did i tell you about staying up til all hours you do know you got school tomorrow  
TT: Sorry, but my mind is a bit too active for sleep right now.  
TT: Shouldn’t you be asleep?  
TG: no no no dude im the adult and youre the kid and thats how it goes  
TG: and anyway dude if you were in my position youd have to be like “hey dave youre rad as hell heres a high five your bedtime is never” because im just that fucking awesome so like your argument is invalid  
TG: go to bed  
TT: Like I said, I’m a bit preoccupied at the moment.  
TG: dude if youre having problems with your friends or something you know you can tell me  
TG: i know there aint nothing thatll crack that armor of yours as much as everyone who cares about you would like to take a big old hammer to it and make it crack like a spiderweb as if youre smashing in some big ugly mirror with a ghost trapped inside so you release the ghost and it goes to live in the afterlife since its finally able to pass on but like is that really living

You sucked in another deep breath as you planted your non-dominant right hand on the desk that held your computer, minimizing pesterchum once you were back on your feet and swiping your phone from its place charging off to the left. This conversation could continue on your walk to the bathroom.

TG: anyway what i was saying is that i know jack shit is gonna come and make you show an emotion but you know you can always talk to me right dude

It took a minute for him to reply, and by the time he did you were already washing your hands. 

TT: Yeah, I know.  
TT: Thanks.

You smiled quietly to yourself at the acknowledgement. Dirk had always been a tough nut to crack emotionally, clearing your own cool and stoic facade by leaps and bounds and making you look startlingly expressive by comparison. You supposed, though, that you had always been kinf of bad at it anyway. That didn’t stop him from picking up and improving on it though. As a result, the mere acknowledgement of affection without him fighting you on it was a form of relief hard to put into words.

TG: i am serious about the whole sleeping thing though kid  
TG: you wont be able to hug the coffee pot all day tomorrow and id hate to hear from roxy you fell asleep in class on the first day  
TT: I can promise you I won’t fall asleep in class.

As you walked by Dirk’s room, you paused. The door was just barely ajar, with enough room to peer through but not quite enough for you to stick your entire head in. And from the light in the hall, it was quite easy to see.

His room was better kept than yours, cluttered with his things but undoubtedly organized in some unusual and overcomplicated way that let him find what he needed without much sifting. The mini-fridge in the corner was shut and the bin housing a bag full of empty orange soda cans was nestled between it and a desk that housed a massive three-monitor computer setup complete with multiple keyboards and a desk littered with wires that you couldn’t even begin to understand. However, that wall parallel to you wasn’t what caught your eye about the room.

Dirk’s queen-sized bed was jutting out perpendicular from the left wall, neatly made with a muted orange comforter laid out on top to help insulate him from the chill of the air conditioner. His head was barely visible under the thick, plush comforter, eyes closed and one long arm dangling off the side of the bed. On the bedside table that housed a single desk lamp, his phone, and his pointed shades, his phone was lighting up with what looked like the notifications from your current conversation.

You paused, immediately pulling your phone to your face as your pale brows knit together in confusion. He had messaged you since you had been looking into his room.

TT: Bro, you there?

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TT: Bro?

You wouldn’t call what you were doing panicking exactly, but you sure as fuck weren’t being the picture of calm and collected up in this bitch. You had to take several deep, cleansing breaths before you felt yourself steady enough to pull open Dirk’s door, minding its tendency to squeak , and immediately shake your kid brother awake. Luckily, he doesn’t sleep like a log unless it’s actually time for him to get up.

“Hm… what…?” A long-fingered hand immediately went up to rub at his eyes as he blinked, his nose scrunching up. “Bro… ‘s that you?”

“Yeah, kid. It’s me,” you assured him, eyes still unable to leave the phone that was plugged in and charging on his bedside table. “Hey, do you mind getting up. I’ve got to ask you something…”

He groaned loudly, running a hand through his loosely curly, unstyled blond hair before pulling himself into a sitting position. “What could we possibly have to talk about at…” He picked up his phone to check the time. “...three in the morning that couldn’t be talked about when I, uh, actually wake up?”

You coughed slightly into your elbow before turning to look at him with the help of the hall light. This was a rare feat; two Striders were truly meeting eyes and not simply shades. “Dude. I don’t want you to panic or anything- and don’t even like pretend you won’t because I know you- but can you explain how I was talking to you through pesterchum while you were sound asleep in here?”

You could see his eyes growing wide, a gratifying sight that would have been made impossible by the presence of his shades, and you watched as he immediately snatched up his phone to read through what had been the conversation you were having for the past ten or so minutes. Finally, after two or three minutes of what was little more than staring at his phone screen in what could only be described as abject horror, he turned to meet your eyes with his gaze once again. He had mostly composed himself, but there was still the slightest hint of panic in his bright orange eyes.

“I know exactly how that happened,” he articulated after a moment of sitting there with his mouth agape. He took another deep breath and added, “But I’d rather wait until the morning to explain. I’m going to need my sleep to deal with an explanation I’m frankly still not sitting pretty with myself.”

You felt a small wave of relief flood your body as Dirk confirmed that he knew what was going on, but the way he put things only made you wonder how the hell this all had happened. But if Dirk wanted to wait until morning, he could wait until morning.

“Thanks, man.” You gave a firm little nod as you shuffled your feet and began to turn to walk out of the room. However, something made you pause. “Wait. This doesn’t have to do with like drugs or sex or law breaking or-”

He cut you off. “None of your stereotypical teenage mischief, and it’s nothing illegal,” he assured you as he pushed his long, lanky form back under his massive pile of blankets. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

You weren’t going to get another thing done tonight.


End file.
